My sister had a baby the other day, increasing my rank from brother to uncle. While my sister has been pregnant it has made me think about where babies come from. From all the cartoon I have watched since child hood I assumed that a bird called a stalk delivered the baby.

          So I sat out side my local hospital to see if I could see one off these birds land on it landing strip call the maternity ward. What I observed is more like the film Alien that any cartoon I have watched. Fat women enter the hospital at all times of the day and night I was able to sneak in one night when the nurses were busy and I found out a few facts. Firstly woman are not impregnated by a facehugger like in the film but they are impregnated by some sort of snake. Once impregnated the hosts stomach grows and grows until the belly button pops out. Then after a period of time roughly 9 months the baby bursts out, covered in blood and screaming as loud as it can. The nurses have to catch the baby and hold it down in water to calm it down. Once this is done the baby becomes placid.

        While my sister was in the hospital having the baby I found out a few other things. I placed a bug in the labour room and below is a transcript of what I recorded.

In the room are the midwife, my sister and her boyfriend.

My Sister: AHHHhhhh  errrr AHHHH  owwwwww, this really hurts give me some air and gas, and any other drugs that you have to take this pain away.

My sister boyfriend then leaves the room.

Midwife: You are doing really well, he believes you are in pain.

My Sister: Yeah but do we have to fool him into thinking I'm in pain.

Midwife: Yes you do, if men thought it was easy then they would want more kids and you would not get pamper when you got home from the hospital.

My Sister:  you're right, I would like to thank you for all the help you have been over the last 9 months getting me ready to act this well.

Midwife: That's ok, it is my job after all. Now remember when he comes back in squeeze his hand really hard, like you did in practice with that stress ball and if he doesn't scream then dig your nails in.

My sister: I will, I have filled my nails the way you showed me.

Midwife: quick he's coming back start your screams again.

MY Sister: AHHHhhhh  errrr AHHHH  owwwwww,